Name Change for University College of Woeisme
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Name Change for University College of Woeisme
The University College of Woeisme officially changed its name to University of Woeisme College of Medicine at a ribbon cutting ceremony earlier today. The name change occurred just prior to the school’s annual pep rally. Rumors abound that the actual impetus for the name change was the result of an unfortunate incident with a prominent donor.
Piecing together snippets of gossip, the following story revealed itself:
A wealthy donor named Ms. $. Bags recently visited the medical school. While strolling around campus, she came across a rowdy group of medical students yelling, “You cow! You cow!” in her direction. Ms. $. Bags tried to stop them, but upon getting closer the students yelled even louder and appeared to be making some coordinated hand gestures. Taking offense at the affront, the donor immediately went to the Dean’s office to complain about the rudeness of the students on campus. Once there, she allegedly threatened to revoke her lofty contributions to the medical school.
On hearing her complaint, the Dean stormed down to the campus quad where he spotted the guilty crew. The chant of, “You cow! You cow!” reached his ears but he soon realized that the students had not actually been taunting the people passing by. The Dean rushed back to his office to explain the misunderstanding to the flustered donor. He clarified that the students had not been yelling, “You cow” but “U. C.O.W” which is the acronym for University College of Woeisme.
Once the incident with the donor was resolved, the Dean realized the potential financial implications of such a mishap. Instead of risking dollars from other donors, the Dean promptly came up with the name change under the guise of being more in line with the school’s mission and vision. The students also promised to change their chant from “U. C.O.W” to something else prior to the start of the upcoming pep rally.
That evening, the whole school gathered and the pep rally started. A new chant, replete with choreographed cheering, could be heard clearly across the quad: “WOE! IS! ME! WOE! IS! ME!” The Dean paled and opened his mouth to object, but settled on a sigh. He shrugged, “At least we won’t lose any more donors.”
The medical school, now officially know as University of Woeisme College of Medicine, is affiliated with the Level 1 trauma center and teaching facility Hospital Woeisme.
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