Resident Band Wins Big!
Your daily dose of snark.
Resident Band Wins Big!
ROSC, a band comprised of residents from Hospital Woeisme, has been announced as the winner of a nationwide talent contest! The band, which officially stands for ‘Rockin’ Out, Stayin’ Cool,’ (though rumor has it the original acronym stood for ‘Residents Over Stupid Crap,’ and not to be confused with the ambulance ride-share app ‘Riding On Shared Cabs’) has signed a multi-million dollar recording contract as part of their winnings. Playing in the genre they’ve dubbed Nouveau Classic Rock, ROSC is reminiscent of Jimi Hendrix, with the added intensity of Lenny Kravitz-esque energy.
ROSC is comprised of sexy lead singer and guitarist Dr. Ben Cutter from surgery, suave bassist Dr. Joe Dice from medicine, the incomparable pianist Dr. Shelly Vermis from neurology, and wildcard drummer Dr. Matt “Bang-Bang” Cruz from the ED. The residents first crossed paths as interns, while rotating on each other’s services. Afterwards, they kept running into each while answering endless emergency department consults.
Bassist Dr. Dice shared, “Our first gig was Med School Musical, but that was just the beginning. We clicked right away and kept on playing together, even after the show closed.” Given their demanding and overlapping schedules, finding time to practice provided a constant challenge. They snuck in jam sessions at an elusive resident-run speakeasy, a mythical bar that is allegedly hidden somewhere within the hospital facility. Playing at the speakeasy also allowed them to develop a devoted fan base, a group now referred to as ROSkers.
Although they played at various department parties and some local gigs, winning the talent contest is undoubtedly their big break. ROSCs’ first tour begins soon, stopping in major cities all across the country. Tickets are reportedly sold out for all upcoming shows.
Thrilled at their success and wanting to formally congratulate the band, Hospital Woeisme arranged a show in the auditorium at nearby University of Woeisme College of Medicine. ROSkers packed the auditorium to hear the now-famous band play. At the end of the electrifying show, the ROSkers went wild with cheers and adulations.
Prior to their encore, surgery resident turned lead singer Dr. Cutter announced, “Everyone kept joking, ‘Don’t quit your day job!’ but now we’ve won, and got a multimillion dollar contract. So, hey guess what? We all quit!” At which point, the band members all whipped off their white coats, revealing sexy leather and spandex costumes. They played a triumphant rendition of their song, “All Along the I.C.U.” to tumultuous applause. Several ROSkettes (the band’s groupies) swooned, and had to be taken to the ED for evaluation.
Attendings for the band members formerly known as residents, including surgeon Dr. Disaster, internist Dr. Ryder, neurologist Dr. Bellum, and emergency physician Dr. Hans, stood stunned at the news that each team would be down a resident. In trying to interview the attendings, the only responses were an incomprehensible muttering, mixed with an array of colorful expletives.
At an exclusive post-show interview, the band members were asked if they would play at the graduation ceremony for Hospital Woeisme in late spring. Dr. Cruz laughed, “Nah, man, we’re in the big leagues now.” The band then sauntered offstage, their ROSkettes waiting in the wings.
Don’t miss the hottest new band touring – get your tickets for ROSC today!
Want more tales from Hospital Woeisme? Check out these articles!
