Controversial Marketing Plan Makes Hospital MILLIONS!
Controversial Marketing Plan Makes Hospital MILLIONS!
Direct-to-consumer advertising has been a boon for the pharmaceutical industry since 1997, when it became legal in the United States for medications to be advertised on television.
Hospital Woebegone has taken this one step further, now allowing pharmaceutical advertisements on all free space within the hospital.
Toilet paper dispensers now suggest medications for hemorrhoids, and staircases feature ads for orthotic shoes and walkers. But there one area of “available ad space” causing particular controversy: the residents themselves.
Seemingly overnight, every medical trainee is now sporting new scrubs that are branded with a pharmaceutical or a medical device related to their specialty.
Photo from Rick Ware Racing’s Facebook page
One neurology resident strutted around in his sleek new plum-colored scrubs, emblazoned with the name of a migraine medication on the back. Dr. Lobe exclaimed, “I feel like a race car driver!”
In the operating rooms, patients about to go under the knife will see new branding as well. The advertisements were strategically placed on the front of the surgical gowns instead of on the back. Per the chair of the surgery department, “Our hope is that they [the patients] fall asleep dreaming of medical products endorsed by the hospital, and when they wake up, they will be motivated to go and buy that particular pain medication.”
Obstetrics and gynecology resident Dr. Bebe rolled her eyes when asked about her sparkly new pink scrubs featuring the name of a popular contraceptive device. Inquiring why she agreed to wear the new scrubs, she replied, “Because if you do, you get a portion of your student loans repaid. I kinda feel like I sold my soul… but at the same time, those loan payments are killing me.”
Hospital CEO Mr. Bowser beamed as he explained, “The idea was inspired by the recent ruling allowing collegiate athletes make money by signing lucrative endorsement deals. It’s not just about the hospital making more money.” [He pauses for dramatic effect]. “This was done to help our resident doctors with their financial burdens.” He said this with a sparkle in his eye and as he signed an order for another batch of branded scrubs.
When asked about the specific amount of money given to each resident, he suddenly remembered an urgent Zoom meeting that he was supposed to join and abruptly ended the interview.
Not all trainees and staff are enthusiastic about the new endorsement deals.
One intern lamented, “I was initially excited, but now I’m not so sure.” As he slumped down the hall, his muddy brown scrubs revealed that he is a walking advertisement for an anti-diarrheal medication.
The pediatric attendings have been outspoken in their concern about advertising medications to children, but they also understand the burden of student loans on the residents. One preschooler could be heard wailing, “But mommy, I want OnabotulinumtoxinA for Christmas!” The tiny tot was oblivious to the fact that he was essentially demanding Botox.
And it’s not just children requesting medications they don’t need. According to family medicine resident Dr. Goodhart, “One lady demanded a particular prostate medication so many times that I eventually gave in and sent her a prescription for it. I kept trying to explain to her that she doesn’t even have a prostate, but she was so insistent after seeing all the ads.”
Hospital Woebegone has raked in millions over the past year from their new endorsement deals. Regardless of the controversy, the practice is picking up steam as nearby hospitals are currently negotiating their own endorsement deals.
“Why have we not thought of this before? It’s brilliant!” exclaimed the CFO from nearby Our Lady of the Lost Cause. “But we’re branching out from just pharmaceuticals and medical devices.” He gestured out the window to the parking lot, where an Our Lady of the Lost Cause ambulance was getting a paint job. The ambulances new endorsement? An advertisement for car insurance.
